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Boosting Self Confidence

“Learning to love yourself first” sounds like a cliche. Often though, if you can really look at cliches there’s a kernel of wisdom to be devoured. And it’s very much the case with this one! Learning to love yourself first is critical for gaining self confidence and attracting success.

If you don’t love yourself, you have a deficit in self confidence which causes you to unconsciously push people and opportunity away from you. But you can’t even see you’re doing it. You’re too caught up in your own unworthiness.

Learning To Love Yourself: How To Tell If You Don’t Love Yourself Enough

If you’re trying desperately to improve aspects of your life (reading every self help book on the market, repeating loads of affirmations) but all to no avail, then you have a deficit in self-love. It may not be in all aspects of yourself. Perhaps just in one area.

Basically your struggles are due to the fact that you are too ego (mind) identified. At sometime in your childhood, you were hurt (we all were at some point) and in all your childhood ignorance, you made yourself wrong for bringing about the hurtful situation. As a consequence you have shaped your personality in such a way as to ensure you never experience that hurt again.

So, for example, perhaps you had a best friend in middle school who you absolutely loved. And then one day, that friend said they didn’t like you anymore and no longer wanted your friendship. As a way to cope with such a terrifying situation, you may have opted to always keep your distance from people (perhaps just of the same sex) in the future. The problem is, you adopted this belief (that it’s not safe to get too close to others) for life. But circumstances change. You grew up. People mature. You really can do away with this belief now but you don’t even know you have it.

Learning To Love Yourself First: Gaining Self Confidence

I used to find it impossibly frustrating when someone would tell me I was hard on myself and I needed to learn to love who I was. It didn’t matter how many bubble baths I gave myself or how much I let myself spend on clothes, I just couldn’t seem to cultivate this thing called self love. I had absolutely no self confidence and everyone could see it! The truth is, unless you’re taught how, you will find it near impossible to know how to love yourself. It’s not a logical process.

Jesus, Buddha, and even Freud have an important lesson for us here. We each have our ego self (me, the individual) who is always broken and has suffered hurts. If you struggle to obtain success, it could well be that you are too ego identified. Learning to love yourself first requires surpassing the ego. Let your negative mind chatter carry on for as long as it wants. To surpass it, you need to build a stronger awareness and connection with the infinite self, your soul. The soul is the ageless, formless, all knowing energy that lies within each of us. I have found it easiest to find my deeper self through regular meditation practice and yoga.

When you strengthen your awareness of this aspect within you, your identification with your ego and all your faults (that you just cannot seem to fix!) becomes less of a priority. And this relaxes you and opens you up to the miracles of life. You begin to see that you truly are lovable, whole and perfect just as you are.

If you have always struggled with learning to love yourself first, try the above suggestions. Remember; learning to love yourself is critical for gaining self confidence and attracting success. If you have no self confidence, you will never become all that you deserve to be.


I subscribe to the age-old philosophy that first you have to BE before you can DO and HAVE what you want. I created this site to give readers practical and motivational success tips! In every post you will find simple success principles that will cause you to succeed.

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Great post! I think that your parents did the right thing by limiting your friendship. It’s so important to have limits. Then, as an adult, you can choose and then YOU are the one who is wholeheartedly responsible for your surroundings. Supportive parents are ones who limit and ask things from their children to help them grow. Now, you know who you want nearby and why, but when you’re young, you don’t have the same reasons or the same judgement.

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